Comparisons With Others
Somewhere between six and 11 years of age, children begin to actively compare themselves to their peers. This newfound social comparison occurs for both cognitive and social reasons.
Feeling Incompetent
As Erikson noted, some children come to realize that their efforts are not as good as those of their peers and begin to feel inferior. Notably, though, feeling incompetent does not universally lead to low self-esteem. If a child’s poor performance occurs in a domain he doesn’t value, such as athletics, his self-esteem is unlikely to be affected. If, however, he’s incompetent in an area he finds important, such as academics, he is at risk of developing low self-esteem.
Increasing Performance Pressure
Performance pressure also increases during the tween years. During early and middle childhood, parents and teachers tend to commend any effort, large or small, poor or excellent. As adolescence approaches, however, adults come to expect more from kids; effort still matters, but performance starts to matter even more. As a result, tweens not only make their own comparisons between themselves and their peers, but they also witness adults making these same comparisons.
Perceived Disapproval From Others
As parents’ and teachers’ performance expectations increase, tweens begin to perceive the disappointment of these adults. Whether the child’s self-esteem is affected depends on which adult(s) is disapproving of their efforts. If the disapproval comes from someone the child does not like—say an unrespected teacher—the child is unlikely to take the judgment to heart and self-esteem will remain high. If, however, the child believes that a beloved parent or trusted coach is disappointed in them, low self-esteem may result. It’s clear, then, that parents can play a key role in helping kids maintain healthy self-esteem.
