Use the following bother barometer to rate each of the habits you wish your spouse didn’t have: Issues that you rate 5, 6, or 7 can escalate into worse problems if they are not dealt with. You must address them with your spouse while they are still at this manageable stage. Most differences that you rate in the middle of the scale can be resolved between the two of you. In the next chapter, you will learn specific skills to help you resolve these kinds of conflicts. Issues that you rate in the 8, 9, and 10 range will be more difficult to resolve. If something your spouse does annoys you constantly and makes you miserable, there probably are many emotions underlying the issue. You can try to resolve the problem yourselves, but you might find you need outside help. On the other hand, things that bother you very little (2 to 4 on the scale) are probably not worth bringing up at all. It’s a good idea to recognize that they bother you somewhat, and pay attention if something rises on your importance scale. Sit down with your spouse and discuss each other’s answers to the quiz. Did you correctly anticipate what bothered the other person? Are there some things you had no idea bothered your spouse? Are you clear about what bothers you? This information is a crucial first step toward resolving your differences.
