Then suddenly, boom! For whatever reason (death in the family, Junior not doing well in school, bioparent flips out, or bioparent moves and kid wants to stay in neighborhood), Junior is moving in! I know, you’re feeling panicked, and guilty for feeling panicked. You should be thrilled, right? Your biggest struggle may be the fight to remain gracious. The child may be very upset, and you won’t help move things into a rosy future if she overhears you yelling at your spouse in the kitchen about how you don’t want to be living with her daughter.
Tea and Sympathy
When a child is uprooted, not by their doing, they need sympathy and concern, and so do you. You have to adjust at the same time you are helping the child adjust. Your life has suddenly been turned topsy turvey, and no, it doesn’t matter if there are other children in the household. It’s a different mix now. The bioparent should play a big role in the adjustment, reassuring the child that she is wanted and welcomed, and being actively involved in her life. No ducking out now!
Chill with the Guilt
You feel guilty that you feel resentful. Who wouldn’t? Your life is being disrupted. You are being called upon to handle more responsibilities. It’s normal to feel betrayed, like, “Whoa, this isn’t what I signed up for!” Be aware that you are in an adjustment period, and it may take you and the child some time. As the emergency stepparent, take care to nurture yourself; chill out, honey. Take lots of walks and rack up a big phone bill calling your friends out of state.
