In an era when transfers of wealth from living parents to adult offspring are up threefold, and 25 percent of home buyers receive down-payment money from parents, the issue of squelching self-reliance through gift-giving is particularly poignant.
Rescues That Send Dangerous Messages
Emotional and financial rescues are not always the best lifeline for your daughter. Sometimes it’s better to sink and learn how to swim on one’s own.
Financial Rescue
Gil Greene, associate professor in Ohio State University’s School of Social Work, says rescuing your kids financially is not in their best interest. It sends a message that life is supposed to be hassle- and pain-free. The mother that keeps rescuing her daughter keeps her from tackling situations outside the “comfort zone.” This prevents your daughter from learning how to handle hurdles that foster growth, maturity, and independence.
Emotional Rescue
It’s hard to hold back and not book that plane ticket when Stephanie sounds like she has a case of the new city blues, especially after a bleak week of not finding an apartment and being disappointed in her first job. However, according to a host of experts, Stephanie’s mom made a wise decision to stay at home. Allowing her daughter to solve her own problems was beneficial for her own growth as well as her daughter’s. Just as important, showing up on the spot with good intentions sends a message like, “I really didn’t think you could get out of this slump on your own.”
