This isn’t as easy as it sounds (not that it sounded all that easy). To lighten your task, I’ve prepared a little chart. All you have to do is pick the five most important items listed. Then arrange them from most to least important. The ones on the “most important” side are the ones you’ve decided are worth the effort to attain. Top Five Picks
Power Lines
Next, figure out who has the power in your extended family. When you are trying to change the status quo, you have to understand your personal family culture. This can prevent you from making crucial tactical errors. Here are some clues to help you on your sleuthing.
Never assume that volume = force. The most quiet member of the family may be the most powerful. My father made a lot of noise, but my mother called the shots. See how the power is distributed. For example, where do most family members go for the holidays? Why? Look at the economic side. Often, the golden rule of in-laws applies. You know that one: He who has the gold rules. Consider gender. Traditionally, women are the keepers of the family flame. They’re the ones who set up the dinner dates, arrange the holidays, remember birthdays, shop for gifts, and take care of medical situations. While this is indeed changing in light of an increasing number of two-income families, the change hasn’t been as swift as many think – or would like. As a result, more women than you’d realize are the power behind the throne.
Game Plan
Once you figured what you want and who’s in charge, you can set about changing the power structure. The process will take time, so be patient. After all, it took years to set up the status quo, so unless you pull a coup d’etat, you’re not going to change the family overnight.
Step #1 Be assertive-compromising Step #2 State your needs, but be willing to see everyone else’s sides as well. Step #3 Try to work out fair situation. Don’t be a tyrant and ride roughshod over everyone else’s feelings.
